I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
