i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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