I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
