how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
