His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
