Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
All I want is dick and wine.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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