Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
