well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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