Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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