the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
