I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize