My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize