We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
