Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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