I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
