I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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