I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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