You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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