my sisters under your porch take her home
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
