note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
So. Much. Porn.
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