yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
