I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
