it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
