He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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