I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she peed on how many people?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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