You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
