I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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