Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
