see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
