All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
