I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
