Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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