Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize