I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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