I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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