my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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