I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
