just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
