I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
