Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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