i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize