he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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