So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
