Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
