Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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