ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
