You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
