please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Randomize
