"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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