Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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