Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize