"it" just moved
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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