Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
