You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
