oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
