this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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