Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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