if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize