I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
