standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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