I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
