I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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