Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
