You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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