i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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