i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
